What do you think of this poem?

It's quite good. I like the internal rhyming (rhymed words in the middle of a line, not just at the end) and the repetition at the end, which gives a feeling of closure. The meaning seems to come through clearly without my really having to think about it, if that makes sense. Grammatically, it follows its own mysterious and independent rules, and that's fine, because it works. It doesn't have a regular or traditional meter, but I sense that would not prevent it from making a good song.